Patina

Photograph by Adriana Petit

Reruns have a patina of bad quality

I've tuned into Crazy Gritty channel

White noise skimming across the surface from left to right

left to right

left to right

left to right

Usually projected onto the dark side of my eyelids

Now it snuck up with eyes open

A faraway murmur slowly turns into words

mouth

face

you

"Earth to Inky!

Hey, wow... Where were you just now?"

I don't tell all truth

"Well I'm back now...ha."

You see

I couldn't stand to see your face gnarled by sheer shock of where I had been

Couldn't shed my armour

Couldn't counter your disbelief

Couldn't handle your disappointment

and worse

Couldn't bear your sympathy

I blink to another channel

The one that shows the good like Disney

I take comfort in something terrible we have in common

A secret saved for a time when all is alright

Remembering once it was you who suddenly said

"I haven't told you the bad that I've experienced all alone..."